


Roadblocks and Detours

by LaughingStones



Series: Collegiate Navigation [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, Family, Gen, Humanstuck, Podfic Available, Reconciliation, Sibling Relationship, but he realizes he's been an ass, kankri is a twit, karkat is a good brother, normally so is kankri, prickly yet snuggly vantas family is important to me, references to rape, warm and fuzzy by the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Vantas twins have been on less than civil terms for most of a year.  Now Kankri wants to talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roadblocks and Detours

Gamzee just left, and you have every intention of getting some actual fucking homework done, maybe finishing the twenty-page paper that's due in two days, when someone stops outside your door. At first you assume Gamzee came back, but then he clears his throat and _goddammit_ you know that sound.

"What?" you snarl. "Open the fucking door, say whatever pompous, ignorant bullshit you came to say, and get the hell out of here!"

There's a long pause, which is as unusual for Kankri as it is for you. "I just, I merely wanted," you hear him say, and then he mutters, "This was a mistake, I should've," and footsteps start quickly away down the hall.

What the fuck? You're out of your chair and opening the door before you can think twice, because ever since your little _disagreement_ it's not like your twin makes any more of a habit of seeking you out than you do him. And neither of you are normally the type to run away.

He's halfway down the hall already, shoulders hunched, walking fast. Even from the back you can tell something's wrong. His head isn't up, he's not holding himself like a short ballet dancer who's been told he can make himself taller if his posture is prissy enough.

"Hey!" you say, and he flinches, stops, turns.

"Yes?" he says, regarding you with what is probably the same suspicious look you had on a moment ago.

It feels like a huge mistake, but you still say in a gruff voice, "Are you okay?"

He looks away. "Well enough." That familiar haughty expression is back on his face, but it looks empty.

Something's wrong and he came to you. You would be totally and completely within your rights to drop him on his ass, leave him alone in his crisis like he left you. Except you can't do it. Fucking obnoxious dick or not, he's your twin and... and you miss him. If this represents some kind of chance of fixing things between you, you're going to take it.

"Come on in," you tell him, trying not to sound either awkward or your default tone of irritable. "Sollux is in class, you can have his chair."

For a long moment it looks like he'll make an excuse and flee, but then he lifts his chin, squares his shoulders, and moves toward you. Fuck, you might be regretting this already.

Stepping back, you glance around the room to make sure your plastic boyfriend is safely in its drawer - like it might've popped out to say hi since Gamzee left five minutes ago, right? You're not sure who you'd mind seeing it more, actually. Gamzee's an innocent freshman, and Kankri's family and asexual, and neither of them needs to know anything about your sex life, is what it comes down to.

Kankri follows you in, pulls out Sollux's chair from the desk and sits down, feet squarely on the floor, hands folded in his lap. He's not looking at you.

You shut the door and flop back into your own chair, sitting sideways in it to watch him. "So, what's up?"

He opens his mouth, closes it again. Clearing his throat, he glances at you and away and his voice creaks when he finally says, "I - wanted to apologize."

At first you actually think you imagined that. It's just so out of the blue, not to mention what you've wished for, however angrily and hopelessly, for like a year now. Then rational thought returns. Nothing to say he's apologizing for the thing you want him to, is there. "For what?" you say flatly.

Instead of launching into some lecture on how he's just realized the usage of the phrase "my twin" is inherently degrading and while he respects your desire to continue using such a problematic term he himself can no longer stomach blah so he deeply regrets blah-di-fucking blah, he swallows and hesitates again. What the fuck.

"I was wrong," he says eventually, and.

Holy shit.  

You've never heard him say that before.  He always prevaricates, excuses, and sidewinds his way right past any admission of guilt.  Your belly twists up with hope and nerves.

Finally he looks up at you and you just stare back, wordless.  "You were... you were telling the truth," he says quietly.  "I'm sorry I doubted it."

Your stomach is so tight it's hard to breathe. You need air and you can't seem to get it for a moment.  Then something gives, you heave in a long gasp, and suddenly you feel shaky and limp, wrung out.  Covering your face with your hands, you take deep breaths and struggle for control.  You are not going to cry with relief and amazed bewilderment right now, it is not fucking happening, you can't trust him enough yet.

It takes a minute to get your eyes to stop prickling and settle your face into something like a neutral expression, and he just stays quiet.  Seriously, this is bizarre.  You're still expecting a torrent of excuses and handwaving any minute, some kind of shitty word-shield for him to hide behind, that's what he _does_.  Except not this time, apparently, as the silence stretches on.  Finally you feel steady enough to pull your hands away and look at him.  Cheeks ruddy, he's frowning at his hands, but he looks back up to meet your gaze.

"Why now?" you say.  The hacked PSA you and Sollux sent out campuswide can't have actually convinced him, can it?

Looking back down at his hands, he says, "It has become apparent that my analysis of the situation was acutely in error.  That being the case, it seemed... appropriate, to attempt to make amends for... certain inaccurate assumptions made in haste."

Wow, that couldn't have been any more vague if he'd tried.  'Become apparent' _how_ exa-  You freeze midthought as your stomach drops like it's been thrown over a cliff.  No.  No, Ampora can't have, he's a sicko but Kankri's totally not his type, they've been roommates for two years, they're _friends_ for fuck's sake -

"Tell me he didn't fucking touch you," you rasp, and your hands are in fists so tight your blunt nails are digging into your palms.

He shakes his head quickly, and the sick tension drawing you taut begins to uncoil again.  "No.  Cronus... hasn't touched me."  His voice sounds a little off somehow, but he keeps going before you can ask.  "No.  I encountered him in the computer lab, to my surprise, given that he has no classes there, but apparently he found it an opportune locale to corner Sabina."

"Oh, shit."  The name brings a face to mind, but you don't know her well.  "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," he says, looking at the floor.  He's even edgier than you are:  he's picking at the skin around his fingernails, and if he doesn't quit it he'll end up with bleeding fingertips.  "He had her sort of bracketed with his arms when I came in, and was leaning in rather close. When I commented on the disrespect to others of having a tryst in a less than private area, she took the opportunity to abscond.  That was sufficient to make it perfectly clear to me that her involvement was neither voluntary nor consensual.  He attempted to convince me otherwise, but I... anyway, I know what I saw."  

Taking a breath, he smoothes a hand over his hair, then goes back to worrying his nailbeds.

"Quit it," you growl at him, and he glances up, startled, then flattens his hands on his thighs, realizing what he was doing.  "You know it worries Dad when you come home with scabbed-up fingers."

Giving you a pissy look, he sniffs.  "I hardly need you lecturing me about self-destructive behaviors."

It's ridiculous how much relief you feel at that normal response.  If he can be all prim and irritable at you he's pretty much okay, just shaken maybe.  "Yeah, whatever.  So you don't know if Sabina's okay?"

This time he stares at your wall instead of the floor.  "From the way she looked at me I suspect, because I spoke familiarly to him, she assumed I was an accomplice.  Or at least a willing blind eye.  My own fault in part, I suppose, given the way I have behaved over the past year, with reference to Cronus and his... activities.  I don't think she would appreciate my initiating a conversation after that."

"Bullshit," you say.  "If you start by asking if she's okay, that'll help a lot.  Then if you let her know that _you_ know what a dick he is, that'll tell her you're on her side."

Kankri nods but you can tell he's not really paying attention, preoccupied with his real concern.  "I just...  He was always so - not always, but generally - so courteous.  I mean, when I attempted to explain asexuality to him, he was dubious at first, but he made a notable effort not to offend my sensibilities once he fully understood.  He asked quite often if certain things would bother me, which I found very thoughtful, and of course one strives to be a good and flexible friend, it's always necessary to make adjustments sharing living space, so while there may have been difficulties at times, he was really quite a considerate roommate."

You're hearing something you don't like in his voice.  He's talking around the edges of something that upsets him, in an attempt not to think about it.

"It's really quite dismaying to think that all the time I thought - all the time, he was - doing _this_."  He looks up at you, mouth pinched, eyes sweeping you up and down.  “To my twin, no less, whether or not I believed it.”

“You’re telling me Cronus Ampora had the decency to be a less than shitty roommate?”  Believing that would put an intense strain on your credulity, so you don’t even try. Instead you zero in on the bit that worries you. “Adjustments, huh?  What kind of adjustments?”

Kankri shrugs sort of stiffly.  “The same sort of adjustments anyone is forced to make to accommodate sharing a room, I imagine.  You can’t tell me you haven’t had to learn a certain amount of flexibility yourself.”

Snorting, you think of Sollux’s late night coding binges.  “Yeah sure, everyone does, but somehow I don’t fucking think we’re talking about the same thing.”

“I can’t imagine why you would assume that.”

“Because Cronus is involved.”  Folding your arms, you narrow your eyes and stare at him.  “What kind of difficulties are we talking here?”

He looks away again, lips tightening.  “The same sort of difficulties as anyone else sharing space with an individual of entirely different preferences and inclinations, I expect.  I assure you, your assumptions are entirely erroneous.  Cronus is well aware that while we may be twins we are two separate people and his relationship with me in no manner resembles his unfortunate... behavior towards you.”

That sounds good, but it doesn’t quite ring true.  You keep your voice as neutral as you can.  “Good to hear.  So give me an example.”  Kankri looks back at you, visibly unsettled, and you roll your eyes at him impatiently.  “Of your perfectly reasonable roommate difficulties.”  

“Oh.”  Kankri looks away, looks down, picks at a nailbed, catches himself and stops.  “Of course we’ve had to reach multiple compromises in different areas, everything from appropriate noise level during study time to earliest allowable alarm time in the morning--”

“No,” you interrupt. “I’m not talking about any of that shit.  I’m talking about whatever it is that’s got you so fucking twitchy.”

“I fail to see--”

“You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.  One of these compromises has you on edge and you don’t want to talk about it because I guess he’s kind of been your friend and you feel like you’re betraying him or some shit, but if it’s bothering you that much then something is fucking wrong.  I get it if you don’t want to tell me, but if you don’t you can bet I’m already thinking the worst.”  You’re chewing on your lip as you glare at him, trying not to think about the possibilities.  

He glares back, but you notice he’s not arguing.  After a long fraught moment of scowling at each other, he huffs out a breath and looks away to glower at the wall.  “I hadn’t mentioned it,” he snaps, “because it’s an entirely understandable behavior on his part.  It’s not as though he’s doing anything wrong.  I’m perfectly aware of the fact that any sexual person has...needs, and naturally, it’s his prerogative to meet his own needs as appropriate in the privacy of his own room.”

“Oh my god, tell me he’s not making you watch him jack off,”  you say in horror.

“Of course not, that’s disgusting!  Although of course, if two consenting adults wish to participate in exhibitionism and voyeurism, I will be the first to defend their right to do so unharassed by kink-shamers.”

“Of fucking course.  Alright, so what the hell is he doing?”

Kankri rubs a hand over his face.  “He... he talks out loud, while he... does that.”

“Talks to you?”  you say sharply.  

“No!  To himself.  Or... to his imaginary partner, I should say.  Encouragements, exhortations...  Perhaps it wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t for the demeaning terms he uses.  I don’t know.  His fantasies sicken me, and although of course I’ve spoken to him about it, he seems unable to break the habit of speaking them aloud.”

None of this really comes as a surprise when you remember some of the shit he used to say to you before you got a clue and left him.  It’s nowhere near as bad as you were afraid (thank fuck, Kankri’s a dick but for a moment you were afraid of what he might’ve been putting up with) but it’s still pretty gross. “That scum-sucking, shit-licking dick-mongler, I knew living with him was injurious to your mental health, why are you still living with him if he’s that much of a dick even to you?”

Kankri shrugs, not looking at you.  “It used to be much more of an infrequent occurrence.  Only recently did I take note of the growing trend as an actual problem.”  He takes a breath, staring at the floor, his fingers working against one another.  “I... I have asked for a room reassignment.  I don’t feel I can comfortably share living space anymore with the type of person he’s turned out to be.”  

Blowing out a long breath, you nod.  “Good, you should get the hell out of there!”

He looks up at you to roll his eyes just slightly.  “Which would be the reason behind my doing so, yes.”

You roll your eyes in return and he purses his lips at you.  For a moment the two of you glare at each other again before you start sniggering.  He keeps looking aloof for a few seconds longer, then breaks into a reluctant grin, then chuckles a little. Both of you snicker for a while before pulling yourselves together again.

Kankri studies your face, looks down at his hands.  “So... are you all right?”

He sounds awkward and you don’t blame him, because that is an awkward as hell question to have to ask your twin.  “I’m fine,” you mutter, shrugging.

His head lifts to give you a sharp look.  “Karkat, I’m serious.  Did he... are you recovering all right?”

Sneering at him is an automatic reflex you don’t bother to check.  “I’m fucking fine, thanks.  Pretty used to the nightmares by now, since you ask.”

Instead of sneering back or going aloof and offended, he sort of shrinks into himself, shoulders hunching.  He’s glaring at the floor instead of you and he’s not saying anything, which is just wrong.  Guilt is a familiar feeling creeping into your gut, and you kick yourself a few times trying to figure out what to say to fix this.  You are such a fucking asshole.

“Seriously,” you say, “I am, I’m doing all right.”  Awkwardly, you shrug again.  “I’ve talked to people and Dad helped a lot.  It’ll take a while to get past it, I guess, but I’m okay.”

He nods, still staring at the floor.  Opening his mouth, he hesitates a moment before saying, “I would appreciate - I - fuck.”  He passes a hand over his hair again and sighs in frustration.  “I hope eventually you can forgive me.”

It catches you by surprise.  At first you don’t know what to say.  You’ve been so angry for so long, most of a year, and of all the outcomes you dwelt on in the dark hours of the night as you lay in bed hating yourself, your dumbass twin asking for forgiveness never crossed your mind.  You never thought he’d apologize either, but here the both of you are.

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Yeah, I - eventually, yeah.”  How the fuck do you say this?  Sure, you’re an asshole, but you don’t actually want to be cruel, especially not when he’s just apologized and everything and is being relatively humble and pleasant.  He’s actively making an effort and you don’t want to throw it in his face.   All you can do is be honest and try not to be a dick about it.

“It hurt like fuck,” you say abruptly, glancing at him and away again.  “That you would believe that scum-sucking bag of dicks over me - _Don’t_.  Interrupt,” you cut yourself off to say as he opens his mouth.  “I just, I just need to tell you.”

Kankri doesn’t look thrilled, but he shuts his mouth and nods stiffly.

“He treated me like shit, and you just took his word on the whole thing.  I hated that.  I hated you, for a while, because you’re my fucking twin and I trusted you but you didn’t trust me enough to believe I was telling the truth.  So I was pissed and I was scared and I was hurt.  For months.  And it’s gonna take a while to get over that.  But I will forgive you, and I do accept your apology.”  On that last part you stop staring at your hands and look up at him, meeting his eyes with an effort.

Tightlipped and pinched around the edges, he nods.  “Thank you,” he manages.

The two of you sit in incredibly uncomfortable silence for a minute.  Shifting in your chair, you glance back at the screen of your laptop and the half-finished paper, now lurking malevolently behind cover of the screen saver.

“What are you working on?” Kankri says, jumping at the chance to change the subject.

You’re as relieved to move on as he is.  “Twenty page paper for Discourse of Insanity.”

He clears his throat.  “Do you have enough written that another pair of eyes might be useful?”

You swallow.  “Yeah.  It’s like two-thirds done.”  Most people would be surprised that Kankri’s a good editor, but as well as having the Vantas top-notch language skills he’s also surprisingly good at not being a dick when he’s making corrections.  He’s got a real skill at intuiting what you’re trying to say and helping you tweak it for clarity.  Needless to say, over the last year you weren’t about to go asking him for help and he wasn’t offering.

“Would you like me to look it over?”

“Sure, if you want, that’d be great,” you say as casually as possible.  Getting up, you wander over to sprawl on your bed as he settles into your desk chair and taps the touchpad to wake your laptop up.  He sits there reading through your paper, making little “hmm” noises every now and then and typing in suggestions for changes.

Holy fuck, you missed this.  You missed his thinking noises and the way he glares at the screen when he’s trying to make the wording come out right.  You missed his dead-on suggestions for how to fix a fucked up sentence and the way his face softens when he’s appreciating a point you made.  Most of all, you missed having your twin around without having to hate his guts.  Hating someone you love is exhausting.  You want to never do that again.

“Hey,” you say.  When he looks over you twist your mouth at him and say, “Missed you, fucker.”

He frowns at you and then looks away.  “Yes, well.  Me too,” he mutters.

“Thanks for coming,” you say quietly.

“You’re welcome,” he says with an awkward shrug.  Then he clears his throat.  “Now, perhaps you can tell me what you’re trying to accomplish with this paragraph.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Roadblocks and Detours by LaughingStones [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243050) by [Rhea314 (Rhea)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Rhea314)




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